I'm changing...

A few months ago if someone had asked me what I want for Christmas, I would have said a baby. Now, if someone asks me, I'm going to say an internship. I applied for one that I am really excited about, and I am praying that I get it. I need it to boost my resume' and I need the experience to boost my knowledge of being in a classroom setting and making lesson plans, etc. I am so excited and nervous, I really hope I get it.

I told Mike last night that I think this is why we haven't gotten pregnant. I barely have time now for anything extra  and another child right now would mean no time, period. It hurts me, trust me, but I have to go where God is leading me. I believe in my heart, it hasn't happened in all this time, if/when it does, it'll be meant to be. And that's that.

For right now, I'm praying for this opportunity and more like it. I signed up for Volunteer MidSouth and I have a volunteer gig coming up in about two weeks, very excited about that as well. I want my resume to be impressive but I also want the experience. I need to get out there, get my name out there and do more than I talk about doing.

I am changing and so are my views and goals. I'm excited about that.

Growing

Thanksgiving was nice, but I missed my family. The strange thing about being married is there are two families to please. All of my extended family lives out of town so they tend to get the short end of the stick. Part of me doesn't mind too much though b/c I am not close with any of my extended family. We rarely talk and if we do talk it's because I called. Such is life.

All of the food I made turned out delicious. The sweet potato casserole was a rival to my grandmother's and my dressing was better than my mother in law's this year. My homemade gravy kicked butt and honestly, I was just so proud everything turned out good I just can't stop smiling about it lol.

Today, I have a lot to do because we have been resting all this vacation. I am deep cleaning the front room and the kitchen, and then I am putting up the Christmas tree. I am excited about that, I really love this time of year. I am working on building Amaya's character though, focusing more on giving than receiving and the reason for this Holiday. I am very impressed with her. She picked out the toys for the baby girl we adopted off of the Angel Tree and she never once fussed about giving them away or anything. I love my daughter, she is the most mature four year old I have ever met.

I have been focusing on growth within myself. Letting go of my shortcomings and focusing on my success. I am doing so well this semester in school but I am going to strive to do better. Instead of B's why not all A's. I read in a book that every person is responsible for their standard of excellence.

After the negative comments I received, I am hesitant to speak about this on here but I am going to do it anyway because this is my blog and no one will ever have me scared or nervous about posting anything. I am still trying to have a baby but I'm not stressing about it as much. I have been reading stories about adoption that touch my heart but I am just unwilling to give up on having another baby naturally. In January, Mike and I plan on starting a vitamin regime and we're getting these pills from GNC that have really good reviews for boosting sperm count, etc. etc. We'll see how it goes.

 

Thanksgiving Week

Well, This past weekend really was amazing. First, I really didn't want to go to church, I had a headache and honestly, I was just like, blah forget it. Then we ended up going to church and it was amazing. I mean, I totally felt the spirit and of course, I felt like the pastor was talking directly to me.

The message was No More Excuses. I felt so guilty, for the past 2 or 3 Sundays I have had ever single excuse in the book for why I haven't wanted to attend church. I don't know, one Sunday turns into 2, etc. etc. I felt singled out. It was my own spirit, owning up to my sins. I led a prayer and sang and I just felt so redeemed... Like i was welcomed back home.

I was thinking about my life. I make excuses in a lot of aspects in my life. I don't want to, and I don't even need to, but it happens. And I am honestly tired of it. So, starting today, I am just going to do things I know need to be done. No excuses. I don't expect to change over night but I know I can do better than what I am doing.

I have pledged to my husband that we won't miss church for four Sundays straight and that we will pay our tithes every pay period. I just... I don't want me or my family looked upon as flakes, not by our church members and more importantly not by God.

This week my goal is to clean our house really good and get perfect this dinner. I'm making turkey dressing, broccoli rice casserole, and a sweet potato casserole. Mike is frying us a 14 lb turkey at his dad's house. We're eating at his parents house, and keeping our food for yummy leftovers lol. It's going to be fun, my first time cooking a Thanksgiving meal. I can't wait until Christmas. I am making 2 red velvet cakes from scratch and a red velvet cheesecake for my husband. One of the cakes is for my mom's birthday. We're also having ham, prob. more dressing, and some macaroni and cheese. I love this time of year!

Why wait on New Year's to change when I can do it right now? Cheers to a better me.

A new start....

I am giving this blog a make-over! Starting with myself... it's one thing to have an online blog to share with the world about how you feel but there should be a limit to that sharing and I crossed the line. I will say this, I am a mother of one child, she is four and I would like to have another child before I leave this earth. I would prefer to have a pregnancy and all that jazz but life might lead me down the road of adoption, I don't know yet. What I do know is I am a work in progress and I am working on making myself a better person constantly. I do not ever want to feel the need to explain myself ever again so I will ask for respect, if you disagree with anything on my blog feel free to speak out about it but do not assume you know everything about me. This blog is only a small fraction of my everyday life.

I am excited about tomorrow, the kid and I are going with my mom to adopt an angel on the tree for the less fortunate and do some light shopping. It'll be nice, just the girls. Then I am going to watch The Killers with my husband and we're going to relax and enjoy our weekend.

I hope you guys enjoy my new blog.