Silent Night...

It's Christmas morning... 12:38 am to be exact lol. I'm feeling reflective and thankful. It's my first Christmas married and it's my daughter's first Christmas with a father, with presents bought with my own money, with a belief of Santa, and with knowledge of Jesus Christ. I am thankful her young mind absorbs everything and is still pure. So many children grow up way too fast...

The real meaning of Christmas for me is joy. Joy that Jesus was born, joy that I am a mother, joy that my life is happy and constantly teaching me lessons, joy that my marriage is happy, and joy for being alive. I miss my sister so much but I know she would want me to be happy. I just know how she was... She didn't go for a lot of moping and woe is me nonsense.

My focus is still on school. My gpa this semester was a 3.44 and my overall is a 2.42 gpa. My goal is to get as close to a 3.0 as possible before I finish. It's possible. When you believe in God, everything is possible. I'm glad I learned that before it was too late.

I am already planning my New Year's Resolutions but that is another blog. I have a toddler kitchen set to put together with the hubby and a cheesecake to bake. Merry Christmas and God Bless you all. :)

Christmas for Me

It's bittersweet. I don't know, I am so thankful and happy for life, for my grades this semester, for my family. For true love and for my child's health. I am just thankful for so much... But then my heart is broken. I miss my sister, I miss my dad. I never met him, he killed himself when I was six months old but I always wonder how my life would be different if he had been here. His birthday is today, he died when he was 19 and today he would be 47. Idk, I miss my sister so much. I miss her more than life itself but I have to keep going and keep smiling because I never know when it'll be my turn. We all have to die, no one can escape it so we need to enjoy every day.

Christmas for me in 2010 means hosting my first Christmas Dinner. It means baking from scratch and cookies for Santa. It means presents under the tree bought with my own money this year, not my mom's. It means having my bills paid by me and my husband, not my mom. It means independence, it means prayer, it means giving praise. It means growing in Christ. It means constant praying to be anointed. It means the constant yearning to be a better mother and wife. It means cleaning and scrubbing, throwing out the old to make room for the new. It means Christmas music and lots of food. It means hugs and kisses. It means vanilla candles and a White Christmas tree.

I passed this semester with flying colors. I am humble about it though b/c I prayed a lot this semester and one class that I asked for a B in, I got an A. I can't take credit for that at all. I'm just appreciative that God hears my prayers and continues to bless me.

As 2010 comes to a close, I am thankful for the bad things b/c they always taught me a lesson and reminded me of the good things. Life goes on, and if it doesn't, you're dead.

Until next time... Merry Christmas.

Things are Looking up...

So, I am now officially interning as a tutor to children grades 3rd-5th who are reading below level or have been kept back a grade. It's a paid internship which doesn't hurt but I am def. not doing it for the money. And I am the new Sunday School teacher at my church! I am very excited about both of these opportunities.

So, next semester I will be taking 4 classes through the week, 1 on Saturday, tutoring MWF for 2 hours, and teaching Sunday School on Sundays. I love how I have been called lazy but I do so much that people don't even know about... whatever. People should get to know me and then judge me. But that is neither here no there actually. The Sunday School position came about because of my complaints about the church being boring for the kids, other people had kids who felt the same way! So the position opened and I took it. Can't complain if you're unwilling to fix the problem.

I am going to use the Sunday school class to work on my organizational skills and my lesson plan skills. I am taking classes on those things next semester but I want to start now and be ahead of the game I guess. I need to work on my arts and crafts skills lol. I want this class to be fun for them but I also want them to learn about God/Jesus/The Bible and grow in Christ. I will grow with them and it'll be a beautiful thing.

I have two finals left and then I done with this semester. I have a few things I need to work on but I am getting so much better about school and staying focused and reaching my goals. Until next time... God bless.

Thankful for Guidance

I have made so many changes in my life. I changed my major from History to Human Development, which will license me to teach Pre-k through 3rd grade. I am excited about this because I will graduate fully licensed and certified. I will get to experience student teaching and have a support system. I feel so much more at peace now. I feel happy. Excited even.

I won tickets today to go to a gospel concert and Marvin Sapp is going to be there. Oh my goodness. I love him, and I can't wait for this event!!

I am very excited about my life right now. I have to focus on school and graduate so I can teach and live my dreams of being a teacher. I'm on my way.

I'm changing...

A few months ago if someone had asked me what I want for Christmas, I would have said a baby. Now, if someone asks me, I'm going to say an internship. I applied for one that I am really excited about, and I am praying that I get it. I need it to boost my resume' and I need the experience to boost my knowledge of being in a classroom setting and making lesson plans, etc. I am so excited and nervous, I really hope I get it.

I told Mike last night that I think this is why we haven't gotten pregnant. I barely have time now for anything extra  and another child right now would mean no time, period. It hurts me, trust me, but I have to go where God is leading me. I believe in my heart, it hasn't happened in all this time, if/when it does, it'll be meant to be. And that's that.

For right now, I'm praying for this opportunity and more like it. I signed up for Volunteer MidSouth and I have a volunteer gig coming up in about two weeks, very excited about that as well. I want my resume to be impressive but I also want the experience. I need to get out there, get my name out there and do more than I talk about doing.

I am changing and so are my views and goals. I'm excited about that.

Growing

Thanksgiving was nice, but I missed my family. The strange thing about being married is there are two families to please. All of my extended family lives out of town so they tend to get the short end of the stick. Part of me doesn't mind too much though b/c I am not close with any of my extended family. We rarely talk and if we do talk it's because I called. Such is life.

All of the food I made turned out delicious. The sweet potato casserole was a rival to my grandmother's and my dressing was better than my mother in law's this year. My homemade gravy kicked butt and honestly, I was just so proud everything turned out good I just can't stop smiling about it lol.

Today, I have a lot to do because we have been resting all this vacation. I am deep cleaning the front room and the kitchen, and then I am putting up the Christmas tree. I am excited about that, I really love this time of year. I am working on building Amaya's character though, focusing more on giving than receiving and the reason for this Holiday. I am very impressed with her. She picked out the toys for the baby girl we adopted off of the Angel Tree and she never once fussed about giving them away or anything. I love my daughter, she is the most mature four year old I have ever met.

I have been focusing on growth within myself. Letting go of my shortcomings and focusing on my success. I am doing so well this semester in school but I am going to strive to do better. Instead of B's why not all A's. I read in a book that every person is responsible for their standard of excellence.

After the negative comments I received, I am hesitant to speak about this on here but I am going to do it anyway because this is my blog and no one will ever have me scared or nervous about posting anything. I am still trying to have a baby but I'm not stressing about it as much. I have been reading stories about adoption that touch my heart but I am just unwilling to give up on having another baby naturally. In January, Mike and I plan on starting a vitamin regime and we're getting these pills from GNC that have really good reviews for boosting sperm count, etc. etc. We'll see how it goes.

 

Thanksgiving Week

Well, This past weekend really was amazing. First, I really didn't want to go to church, I had a headache and honestly, I was just like, blah forget it. Then we ended up going to church and it was amazing. I mean, I totally felt the spirit and of course, I felt like the pastor was talking directly to me.

The message was No More Excuses. I felt so guilty, for the past 2 or 3 Sundays I have had ever single excuse in the book for why I haven't wanted to attend church. I don't know, one Sunday turns into 2, etc. etc. I felt singled out. It was my own spirit, owning up to my sins. I led a prayer and sang and I just felt so redeemed... Like i was welcomed back home.

I was thinking about my life. I make excuses in a lot of aspects in my life. I don't want to, and I don't even need to, but it happens. And I am honestly tired of it. So, starting today, I am just going to do things I know need to be done. No excuses. I don't expect to change over night but I know I can do better than what I am doing.

I have pledged to my husband that we won't miss church for four Sundays straight and that we will pay our tithes every pay period. I just... I don't want me or my family looked upon as flakes, not by our church members and more importantly not by God.

This week my goal is to clean our house really good and get perfect this dinner. I'm making turkey dressing, broccoli rice casserole, and a sweet potato casserole. Mike is frying us a 14 lb turkey at his dad's house. We're eating at his parents house, and keeping our food for yummy leftovers lol. It's going to be fun, my first time cooking a Thanksgiving meal. I can't wait until Christmas. I am making 2 red velvet cakes from scratch and a red velvet cheesecake for my husband. One of the cakes is for my mom's birthday. We're also having ham, prob. more dressing, and some macaroni and cheese. I love this time of year!

Why wait on New Year's to change when I can do it right now? Cheers to a better me.